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#1 create

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 01:45 PM

THIS IS NOT A FANFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry but i'm writing a story and i want feed back so please read and comment!!!!!!!!

 

 

       prologue

 

“HELP!” my cry echoed through the concrete walls. The darkroom felt like it was spinning. I tried to move my wrist but it didn't move more than one foot off the ground. The cuff tightened around my wrist every time I moved it. Thoughts were moving through my head . “Will this be the day I get out of here? Has my family given up looking for me after a full year?”. A screeching sound interrupted my thoughts. It sounded like the door opening. The light from the door light up the stairwell, just like everyday when the man with the scratchy beard decide, he wanted to play with his toy, he kept in the basement. The man was not there, it was more than one person, a man and women, I have never seen before.

“hello?” the man's voice sounded soft.

I wanted to speak back but I was to weak, to hungry.

“if anyone is down here please speak up” the woman sounded worried as she spoke.

I forced a noise out so they could hear, so I could be rescued finally after a year. Their heads cocked toward my direction, once I made the painful noise. I made it again, and the man yelled “HELLO?” I made it again. “are you OK!” the man yelled. I was about to let it out again, but then the women came around the corner. Her face seemed like it was in pain as she stared at my 17 year old boney body; laying on the ground in a red bikini, in searing pain.

 

“oh my god!” the women sounded horrified.

“what is it?” the man answered. The man come around the corner and repeated the woman's response.

The man walked forward, and as his hand laid on my shoulder, I cringed . “its OK... I am with the NYPD.” My face went pale, and I attempted to get up but I crashed back to the cold hard floor. I felt my body being picked up and laid on a stretcher. I woke up in a white hospital bed, with the man and woman by my side. “hey! your awake.” the woman's voice sounded in my ears.

“ whe....where am I “ I stuttered lightly.

“you were taken from the basement......in bad shape” the man spoke.

The doctor came in “hey!” he said in cheerful tone, then he got more stern when he turned to the two detectives “do mind if I ask her a few questions.”

“no... go right ahead” the two walked out.

The doctor turned toward me and sat at the chair next to my bed. “so I am going to start off by asking some basic questions to make sure your memory is ok.” I nodded as if saying that's fine. I sat up in my bed in pain. The doctor spoke in a soft caring tone, “ok...... what's your name?”

I took a breath “Kate.” I said while gulping. he smiled

“very good, how old are you?”

“17”

“good”

“what's the month?”

I paused, placing a confused look on my face “i don't know...i lost count”

“well do you know how long you were in the basement”

my mind raced and I became scared and I spoke fast, “about a year”

he nodded and put his hand on mine “very good, but it was a year and half.” I nodded in pain.

the doctor spoke again “well Kate you seem ok. Do you think you will be fine with talking to the detectives. I nodded.

The detectives came into the room “hey Kate, I am detective Benson” the women said sweetly.

“and I am her partner, detective Stabler” the man said smiling. They both pulled up a chair next to my bed as the doctor walked out.

Detective Stabler smiled “i guess what we want to know first is, do you remember how you got into the situation that we found you in?”

I paused and tears started to fill my eyes. “yes, Stabler I do.”

Detective Benson looked worried “I know it might hard, but could you tell us your story”

I smiled in pain, “of coarse, I don't mind” so I told my story of how I ended up in this hospital and in the basement.

 



#2 Losing It

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 01:56 PM

Ooo, I love it! It's sounds really interesting! I think this would be a great story!

#3 create

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 03:15 PM

thanks i need more comments could you tell more people to look at it



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#4 Losing It

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 03:29 PM

Ya, sure!

#5 LettieLoves1D

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 04:14 PM

This is great! Please post more! I want to know how it goes on!

#6 create

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 04:26 PM

ok i could but it wouldn't have 1D in it if that's ok 



#7 create

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 04:27 PM

and it wont be for a while 



#8 LettieLoves1D

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 04:42 PM

It's okay that One Direction isn't in it, because it looks like a good story! And why will you don't be here?

#9 create

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 04:54 PM

cuz i dont have the 1st chapter really written lol and thanks 



#10 LettieLoves1D

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 05:05 PM

Ohw. Lln :)

#11 create

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 11:00 PM

so you know what happened to her cuz i know the younger fans wont 



#12 create

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 07:06 PM

Ok I have the next chapter should I write it down 



#13 create

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Posted 31 January 2014 - 02:41 AM

Please give this a Chance



#14 Truedirectioner9193

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Posted 31 January 2014 - 03:59 PM

This is great!! Post more soon !!!
I could tell you watch law and order SVU benson and stabler are the dectectives in that show!

#15 create

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Posted 31 January 2014 - 08:43 PM

I couldn't think of any names and I love the show 



#16 ShyPurple100

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Posted 03 February 2014 - 03:38 AM

This is really good! More soon!



#17 create

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Posted 08 February 2014 - 03:55 PM

 Part one

 

Chapter one

The sun seeped through the light blue and light pink curtains in my room. I ran my brush though my light brown hair. I came out of my room and I was welcomed with the aroma of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. I came down the stairs and the smell was getting stronger. As the smell got stronger, my mother's voice got louder. I could hear her talking to my brother Grant, in the kitchen. It was the last day of school and I couldn't wait for summer to finally start. My brother grant couldn't wait to go to the party for graduating seniors. I sat down at the table and enjoyed my breakfast. As the bus came sounding down my street I bolted out of my seat and ran out. The bus pulled up next to my house. I stumbled on it greeting my friend Jack. Jack and I have been friends since fourth grade and consistently drove to school together to avoid taking the bus. Today was different, Grant didn't have school today along with the rest of the senior class. Jack couldn't drive us because his car broke down the night before. We were forced to take the bus to school which means waking up early and waiting twenty minutes at school before classes started. Jack and I were also the first ones on, which typically means we were the last ones off. We didn't mind we just talked the whole time anyway.

“So Kate, when school ends for the summer will you start to play again?”

“I don't know, I...I don't want too.”

“But...”

“No. I just don't want to.”

“He wouldn't want you to stop.”

“Well I don't want to.”

“Kate!”

“Please, don't say it.”

“Fine Kate, but what if he comes back and finds out you stopped?”

“Then, I don't know...he wont come back its been a year!”

“I know...”

Jack's phone went off. He looked at the text and smiled “Kate!”

“What?”

“Lexie just sent me a text, it says “Hey, Jack I'm at school and I herd you and Kate are on the bus, lets meet in the cafeteria”

“Cool!”

Lexie was my other good friend we met three years ago in eighth grade. 

 

chapter two

lexie was waiting at a breakfast table, and Jack and I sat down next to her.

“hey Lex.” jack greeted her.

“hey guys!” she smiled back at us.

As we all sat down Sammy came up to our table. Sammy was our class president. “so? Are you guys excited for the speaker today?” Sammy said with excitement.

“What speaker?” I asked in confusion. Sammy's face became excited.

“well, Kate a person that just came back from Iraq is coming to the school today!”

my breath became short, my vision became blurry. Memories of my dad came rushing back.

…..................

 

It was a week before my sixteenth birthday. It was a typical day to start out with. I was sat down at my baby grand piano. My fingers were pushing on the white and black keys. My eyes were scanning the music, and my mind was in my place of peace. The music was moving through the room as each key made a beautiful sound. In my mind I imagined myself on a stage and thousands of people watching my every move.

.…..................

 

 

my memory was interrupted, by the sound of the bell. The speaker was coming during third period. During first and second my mind was running thorough emotions. First period was English, I didn't talk, all I could think about was my father. Second period was health, I was quite and I didn't talk again. I was lost, the sound I was waiting for, rang. second period had ended and everyone was walking to the auditorium. I walked with the crowd as my heart was racing. I sat down next to lexie saying nothing, as my dad was rushing through my thoughts. The speaker came on stage in his army uniform, holding his hat under his arm.

“hello my name is Ryan.” he started to say. When my eyes hit him my mind and thoughts went clear. “I want to start out by talking about the moment I was hugging my wife and baby boy good bye. I want to say I'm not here to gain sympathy, I want to inform the ones who want to go in the military, what they have to give up.”

My mind and thoughts started even faster now. They were triggered by those two words officer Ryan said “good bye” then the memory came crashing back.

 

..….….............

 

I was standing in front of my father, as he was clutching his uniformed hat under his arm. Grant, my mom and I were standing in a line, waiting to hug him good bye. First he hugged my mom and kissed her good bye. Then he went up to my brother, grant. He hugged him and whispered something in his ear. my father always found someway to make each of us feel special. Finally it was my turn to say my good bye. I hugged him tight and didn't want to let go. He took me by my shoulders. His hands were cold and shaking. “Katty cat, I will miss you. I will miss the way bound down the stairs every morning. I will mostly miss the way you play piano every day.” he paused and asked me something I will never forget. “Kate, promise me you won't stop playing when I leave.”

“I promise” I muttered.

….....................

 

 

Tears started to fill my eyes. My thoughts stopped I was back in the auditorium. Warm tears dripped on my legs. I stopped playing, what would my father think. I dread the day when my dad comes back and realizes I broke the promise I made. Lexie noticed my eyes were watery. She looked at me in worry. I told her I needed to go the bathroom. I took my bag and told the teacher the same thing. When she allowed me I darted out the double doors. I stood in the hall as the months of repressed feelings came back up. I wanted to go home, but I stuck out the rest of the day. Through the day I could hear the clock ticking. The final bell rang. The students got up in excitement, every one couldn't be happier because exams were over and school year was over. I got up and texted jack and lexie that I wanted to walk home alone. They understood and I walked out the front doors. I was 20 minutes into the 30 minute walk home. When my phone went off, I stopped walking and looked at my phone. Grant was calling me. I was hesitant to answer it. I held my phone up to my ear slowly.

 

“hello?” I answered.

“hey Kate.” grant said with enthusiasm.

“ hey, what's up.” I cleared my throat.

“well where are you?”

“I wanted to walk, I'm ten min minutes away.”

“oh...well when you get home me and mom will be at the store.”

“ok I'm fine with that.”

“alright see ya.”

“see ya grant.” I said rushing the conversation. 



#18 create

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 12:55 AM

please read this, all i want is feed back 




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